There are times where I do feel lonely.  Where I feel like I don’t fit in with anyone.  That maybe the new friends I have made that they’ve realized I’m not like them and that they don’t wanna be friends with me anymore. 

My anxiety levels are rising again,  they have been for a few days and it’s becoming unbearable.  My brain is starting to get the worse of me and I’m starting to feel sick again.  Maybe it’s time that I talk to a professional and get some help.  I don’t like having thoughts like I have been.  Before I moved here I thought that all my issues would be fixed the moment I move out of home.  It seemed like everything was okay for the first few weeks but this week it’s starting again.  I’d had a day here and there in the first few weeks where I wasn’t the best but now it’s starting to be more frequent again. 

I’m tired all the time.  I’ll get home from school and sleep until dinner,  I’ll eat virtually nothing and then sleep the Min I get back down to my room.  And then I’ll struggle to get out of bed in the morning again.  Im shutting myself out from people,  not seeing the others like I used to.  They don’t see me either.  I’ll hear them knock on each others doors but not mine.  Maybe that’s why I’ve got the door at the end of the corridor..  To separate me from the rest. 

I’m sorry for making a sad post,  sometimes I just need to write about it to acknowledge to myself that I’m not okay.  I say I am but I know I’m not.  

Thankfully there’s a guy at the lodge,  he’s meant to be on internship at the moment but he is struggling to find a placement.  Me and him have been seeing each other every couple of days.  Watching movies and getting to know each other better.  I’m falling for him hard.  Like I’m falling off the largest cliff in the world sort of falling.  Maybe things will become official someday.  I hope so.  Valentines day is coming up so I guess I’m hoping that we’ll be doing something for it. 
Thanks for reading, once again I’m sorry for the sad posting but I needed to let it out.  

I hope you all have wonderful days,  and also if there’s spelling and grammar mistakes galore it’s because I’ve been typing this on my phone.  

[photo taken at a Hawaiian party that the lodge put on last weekend,  ft. My $5 cocktail] 

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